Some connections end as they started, quickly and strongly, while others can stretch for years. We cannot determine how this relationship or another will turn out before analyzing all the details, and even then, there are many surprises in life; An uncommitted man can fall in love, open his heart and change his attitude. A woman with a dependent or anxious disposition can decide that she is tired of waiting for the “one,” and instantly meets the love of her life.
The work I usually do in these cases is first to turn the client’s attention back to themselves. It is important to note the unconscious belief that repeatedly attracts men who have difficulty committing to them. Often, each partner chooses one end of the rope and holds it zealously; The more he refuses to devote himself to the relationship, the more she will desire him.
Thus, she will use all the manipulations in her toolbox to “settle” her partner and make him fall in love with her. Unfortunately, she discovers again and again that her tactics only makes things worse and keeps him away, leaving her frustrated and disappointed.
I do not judge her for staying in the relationship because I take into account that something might be happening here that is larger than our current perspective, especially since personal experience has taught me that there are processes that take time, and that is not necessarily negative.
Two people magnetize each other to learn and develop, and any experience, no matter how painful, brings us closer to our inner truth. What appears to be a romantic catastrophe can turn out over time into a successful love story, except of course all that involves abuse of one kind or another.
I inquire with that woman, who is now in a deep crisis, to what extent her inner world is projected onto this man. I believe that when we find the root of our suffering, it becomes more explicit and manageable.
What part of her attracts uncommitted relationships?
What belief “sits” in her subconscious that dictates such a reality?
What is she afraid of?
Suppose her conscious fear is not to be loved or to be abandoned; there may be a more profound fear that resonates with her partner’s, for example, fear of commitment/ devotion/intimacy. In this case, I usually explore the relationship with the parents, especially with the father (or with the mother in the case of a man) who did not provide a satisfactory connection and created a pattern of emotional instability in the child. And at worst, a father who had abandoned the family or died prematurely.
When you expose the director who manages our life behind-the-scenes, that is, the subconscious mind, it is more comfortable to release and relax into the process. When one side in the relationship decides to let go of the struggle, even for a brief moment, there is a chance for a significant discovery.
To her surprise, when she takes a step back, even if merely energetically, all of a sudden the man who kept the distance makes contact. Now she is free to choose consciously whether she is willing to give it a chance, or that the very emotional release brought her to the conclusion that she is, in fact, looking for something else. What is certain is that she understands the patterns that have governed her so far, not only in the current relationship but all her relations so far.
From here the way to meaningful relationship becomes more definite and more precise.