What scares women? To be exposed and get hurt.
What scares men? To be exposed and get hurt.
In the company of ourselves, there is nothing to hide and nothing to dread. Loneliness is indeed burdensome and oppressive but not frightening (indeed if we are used to it).
Most of the time the fear of intimacy is not conscious, so we use other anxieties as defense shields to avoid getting hurt; we put our focus on continuous worries such as the Fear of losing our freedom, fear of compromise, fear of missing out, fear of losing our passion in long-term relationships and so on.
Either we stand on the fence and evade romantic experiences, or we go from one adventure to another without any real connection, without any infatuation, succeeding to abstain crisis, at least for some time (the crisis always comes). When the pressure comes, we refer to it as a sign to leave the relationship.
What can we do to get out of the loop?
One option is to wait for the pain of loneliness to increase until we can no longer ignore it. That will make us go outside of our shell, but it won’t necessarily improve our feeling in relationships.
A second option is to stop and ask ourselves – “What do I need in life to feel fulfilled?”, “What am I running away from?”
“What scares me the most?”,
“Why is commitment so threatening to me?” and so on.
The answers are essential, but the questions are half of the work. If we agree to go through this process, very soon answers will come in the form of life situations that will push us to applicate what we’ve learned.
That is when the flow of life return and changes happen for our greater good.